Air Etiquette

It has become apparent that many self-absorbed travelers appear to be completely unaware of how their actions affect others. The following rules of etiquette have been drafted to rectify the situation, and should be handed out to all travelers along with the standard airplane safety information:

Personal hygiene - this may be obvious to most, but the resulting pain and suffering of fellow passengers from those who do not obey this rule make it worth mentioning: brush you teeth before getting on a plane (bring breath mints if necessary), take a shower, put on deodorant, and in general make sure that your personal body odor issues are taken care of.

Perfume - related to the personal hygiene rule, do not go overboard on trying to kill odor by dousing yourself in perfume (this is not the middle-ages; take a bath). In fact, you should avoid wearing perfume on flights as a matter of courtesy to those who have different olfactory preferences to yourself, and to those who may suffer from allergies.

Carts - when in the airport operating luggage carts, maintain a distance of at least 12 inches between the front of your cart and the delicate ankles of the person in front of you (believe it or not, but bashing into the person in front of you is not going to get you to the front of the line any faster - unless of course you actually manage to break the ankles of the person in front of you).

Aisle vs window - when the question is posed at the check in desk, 'aisle or window?', please stop and ponder the question seriously. If you are a frequent restroom visitor, you must sit on the aisle. I once sat next to two young missionaries (who didn't look old enough to be going around saving souls all on their own) who actually woke me up four times during the night to go to the loo!Bulkhead seating requests – if you are of average or below-average height, do not request the bulkhead seating. This should be saved for those poor individuals of unnatural height. Think about how cramped you-of-average-height are in the small seat space, and take pity on those born to be high jumpers.

Armrests - Maintaining personal space is of the utmost importance for marinating mental health while traveling. When two adjacent seats are occupied, the armrest should serve as a barrier between the two passengers and should be used by neither. In the event that one passenger finds it absolutely necessary to use the armrest, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should their elbow EVER cross over the armrest into the adjacent seat area. Sitting with your elbow hanging 3 inches over the armrest is NEVER acceptable, neither is bumping the person next to you every time you move. This seems to be a particular problem for men. I have even had conversations with offenders (particularly at the beginning of a 16 hour flight) to explain that we will get along much better if they don't occupy my seat as well as theirs. One young average-sized gentleman retorted simply that there is not enough room! I actually had to explain that I too was cramped and he wasn't helping matters.

Seat pockets - again, this may be obvious to most, but for those with your own personal challenges: the seat pocket in front of you is attached to the seat in front of you. When you dig around in the seat pocket, the person in front of you experiences the sensation of a boney-fingered inexperienced masseuse. In short, your seat pocket is there to be used, so use it, but show some consideration. (The same is true for tray tables.)

Standing up - related to the seat-pocket rule, when you are standing up, remember that the seat in front of you that you want to pull yourself up with is occupied by another weary traveler who will not enjoy the jostle if you yank on their chair. Whenever your physical fitness allows, you should rather push yourself up from your own seat. If you are frail, or just weak, and must pull on the seat in front of you, be sure not to hit the head or pull the hair of the poor weary traveler. (Believe it or not, but this happens all too often!)Babies – of course we would all rather that babies be banished from flying, but given that at some point in our lives, most of us may need to travel with a tot, we are willing to compromise. There really ain’t much to do about babies crying on the plane other than brining earplugs!Overnight flights – when the lights are turned out on an overnight flight, this is an indication that it’s time to sleep. Do so. Do not think this is the time to start talking loudly to the person next to you (unfortunately, this is a particularly problem for Americans).

Baggage claim - after a long voyage, you may be impatient to get to your final destination, but guess what: so is every other traveler. So, do not push your luggage cart plush with the baggage claim carousel so that it blocks the view of others and does not leave room to pull suitcases off the carousel.

Depending on the rate of adoption, a training video may be required.